Alden Kahn

Golden Twilight Cruise Lines

Charlie — Mon, 14 May 2012 19:55:11 +0000

The following is a PAID ADVERTISEMENT:
After all those years of work and sacrifice, you deserve to squander your meager life savings on one last, ill-advised adventure. Why not treat yourself to a maritime voyage that’s so exotic, you’ll never return? Golden Twilight Cruise Lines caters to the mature traveler who doesn’t have a lot of time…on this earth. This is your final boarding call, so go out in style and book your one-way ticket for a lovely cruise down the scenic River Styx today! Remember, the journey never ends, only you do.

(Golden Twilight Cruise Lines is a subsidiary of Nearly Departed Travel, LLC)

The Sweet Science

Charlie — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:49:45 +0000

The recent hoopla over the Mayweather-Cotto prize fight left me pondering how “the sweet science” has been depicted in pop songs. Here’s my “Top 3 Boxing Songs.”

3. “Boom Boom Mancini” by Warren Zevon. The excitable boy’s working class story of lightweight champion Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini’s hard-fought career and upcoming bout with Bobby Chacon.
2. “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkel. The song features the poignant metaphor of a washed up, down on his luck ex-fighter struggling to persevere in the unforgiving city. And it is, of course, awash in the choir-boy harmonies that became their signature.
1. Theme to “Rocky” by Bill Conti. The inspirational opening sounds of the brass fanfare still evokes the pre-competition butterflies of army boxing matches, despite the brain trauma I undoubtedly suffered from frequent blows to my head…what was I talking about, again?

Oh, right. Here’s the smooth jazz stylings of Alden Kahn and the KOs performing The Sweet Science.

Charlie “Pops” Lujack
Noted Virtuoso of Tone Deaf Irony

The Poisoner’s Song

Charlie — Sat, 05 May 2012 18:47:38 +0000

Okay, so you know how we like the quirky stuff. Well, here’s Ken Simpson’s delightfully macabre “The Poisoner’s Song” from his debut EP “You’re No Fun Anymore.” It’s as if John Lennon stepped from the pages of an Agatha Christie mystery with a devious plot to invite you to Strawberry Fields so he could lace your lemonade with something lethal. It’s deadly and delicious.

The names is Bonds…Gary “US” Bonds

Charlie — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 13:58:44 +0000

Born in Jacksonville, Florida, Gary “US” Bonds scored several hits in the early 60s, exemplified by his doo-wop party hit “Quarter To Three.” Twenty years later, with the collaborative assistance of Bruce Springsteen and “Miami” Steve van Zandt, he landed on the charts again with “Jole Blon,” “Dedication,” and the Top Ten “This Little Girl,” whom Mr. Bonds has firmly established is his, all his.

Blinded Me With Science

Charlie — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 22:34:13 +0000

This ain’t rocket surgery.

The Stronger Sex

Charlie — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 17:44:28 +0000

Power Pop Stew, a terrific show that plays a lot of interesting pop songs, recently played a tune of ours called “The Stronger Sex.” It was inspired by Rudyard Kipling’s poem “The Female Of The Species.” The inclusion of thought-provoking lyrics like “bow-bow-bow bow-bow-bow” and “doo-doo-do-doo-doo” firmly establishes that the song is not only stunningly pseudo-intellectual, but also hopelessly archaic.

That Girl…No, Not Marlo Thomas

Charlie — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 22:58:48 +0000

Here’s the cool track “That Girl” from the 2004 debut CD “The Vinyl Skyway (self-titled)” by a band called…what was their name again?…Oh, yes! The Vinyl Skyway. Much as we loved us some Marlo, it is not about Marlo Thomas’ adventures as a cute young actress in New York. This beautiful melody has some dark lyrical undertones. And that’s almost as appealing as dark lyrical overtones. And, of course, both of them beat dark lyrical mid-tones, hands down. At any rate, it’s very good songwriting.

Recurring Dirty Dream Number Two

Charlie — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 12:43:41 +0000

Here’s a melodic tune called “Dirty Dream Number Two” from indie-emo favorite Belle and Sebastian’s 1998 release, “The Boy With the Arab Strap.” The string and horn arrangement give it a very ELO-meets-the-Buckinghams kind of vibe, while the vocal delivery is reminiscent of Violent Femmes lead singer Gordon Gano. Go ahead, indulge in a dirty dream.
Charlie “Pops” Lujack
Marketing Strategist for the Willfully Ignorant

What Goes Around Comes Around

Charlie — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 22:32:51 +0000

Recently, I updated my list of people on whom I will exact my awful revenge…for all those things they said about me…only some of which were absolutely true…where was I going with this?

Oh, yes…I began to ponder, “Which pop tunes are the best “revenge songs?” I came up with:

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia. A southern gothic tale of corruption, lies and murder, with a great hook. In the ominous words of Vicki Lawrence, “Little sister don’t miss when she aims her gun.”

Dark Lady. You don’t mess with Cher’s man, even if you are The Fortune Queen of New Orleans who dances to gypsy music until your brew is done. Apparently, Cher’s contract at the time stipulated that 50% of her songs revolve around themes of mysterious gypsy outcasts.

Delilah. If Tom Jones confronts you with your infidelity, you are highly advised not to stand there laughing. He has mad blade skills and is quick to use them.

Although revenge is sweet (when properly prepared), what goes around comes around…and if that’s not inconvenient enough, it almost always comes around just after you step into the shower. This ridiculous pop song with a ska bridge and a jazzy horn section explains it all in excruciating detail.

What goes Around Comes Around
Charlie “Pops” Lujack
Visiting Professor of Cognitive Dissonance

Take One of These and Don’t Call Me In the Morning

Charlie — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 20:06:25 +0000

There’s no accounting for taste…or lack thereof.